


Just Call Me Agent

by Beth H (bethbethbeth)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Canon Adjacent Facts, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Implied Fix-It, Metafiction, SHIELD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethbethbeth/pseuds/Beth%20H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 'J' in 'Phillip J Coulson': a meta-conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Call Me Agent

**Author's Note:**

> Because sometimes actors say something about their characters that's so weird, you can't let it rest (e.g., [this tweet by Clark Gregg about the 'J' in Phillip J Coulson](https://twitter.com/clarkgregg/status/319987399012806656)")
> 
> Also...because I like the way Sitwell and Coulson interact in the Marvel Short "The Consultant."

"Not that I should be bringing up serious issues while you're still recovering, but...Jamiriquoi?"

"I don't want to discuss it,"

"Yeah, but...Jamiriquoi."

"It was for a case. An alias. A nom de plume."

"Nom de plume? You're...what? A romance novelist now? A mystery writer?"

"I misspoke."

"You never misspeak."

"Blame it on the drugs."

"Uh huh. And I repeat...Jamiriquoi? Seriously?"

"It's classified."

"No it's not. It's right there on your medical chart. And it's in your H.R. file."

"How would you know that?"

"Hey, the limits of my skill set have yet to be determined. I have...unplumbed depths."

"You're dating Wendy Chang in H.R. and you just texted her."

"That too. So?

"It's an old family name."

"Your family's English on both sides, dating back to the early middle ages. You told me yourself."

"That's only my cover identity."

"Uh huh. Yeah, I don't think so. Got anything else?"

"No, not really. In my defense, I did just regain consciousness after two weeks in a medically induced coma."

"...yeah."

"...yeah."

"Welcome back, man. Um...sir. Phil."

"Thanks, Jasper."

"So..."

"Yeah?"

"Jamiriquoi?"

"Don't you have something useful you could be doing?"

"Is that new spy code for making a donut run?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny, Agent Sitwell."

"You know, you should probably try to get some more sleep. I'm going to get out of here before...you know."

"Before anybody finds out you somehow found a way into a restricted medical ward that you don't have clearance to visit?"

"Yeah." 

"Good idea. Now about those donuts..."

"Are you sure you're allowed to have them? I'll have to check with your doctor before I...."

"My usual."

"If by your usual you mean tiny stale rings masquerading as cake with a vaguely chocolate-scented plastic coating...."

"I do."

"You got it, boss. Get some rest, and I'll be back later with the donuts."

"Thanks, Jasper."

"No problem. And seriously...Phillip Jamiriquoi Coulson?"

"Get out."

"Getting out."


End file.
